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OUR FATHER'S PERSISTENT LOVE MINISTRIES, INC.
I have been incarcerated for almost 11 years of my life and I’m now 30. I grew up in Chicago and enjoyed a normal childhood to the best of my memories. However, my parents separated when I was around 7 years old, and my mother remarried shortly thereafter. My step-father and I never really bonded as I always resented his attempt to replace my real father. About 5 years after this, he too was gone and it was my mother, my younger sister and I on our own. I can remember being very inquisitive, always searching for answers to different questions. I was never quite satisfied with what I found. I would take things apart to see how they worked internally. This constant searching turned out to be a quest that consumed me until I met Jesus. My mother was forced to take a job for the first time as the sole bread-winner for our family and we moved to a new neighborhood. We found ourselves living on the south side of Chicago and in an area that was racially charged. It was at this time that the seeds of prejudice were planted in me. I was exposed to gang life and started experimenting with drugs. Although I was faced with all these external challenges, the most intricate challenge came from within. This internal struggle to have an identity and to know my purpose in life led me into a pattern of self-destructive behavior. I never really went to high school. I went to "school high," and soon my drug abuse led to crime to support my habit. It wasn’t long before I was entangled in the criminal justice system as a juvenile. I thought I was cool. I thought that this was what made me a man. It was a rite of passage into manhood, -- so I thought After completing a court appointed drug rehab program, I began to attend 12-step meetings. Like the woman Jesus met at the well, I was drinking water (12 steps) that would not satisfy. (John 4:13-14) This became apparent after 9 months as I noticed I was slipping back into old thought patterns. So, once again I began searching, and this time my quest found me living with my grandparents in St. Louis. They attended church regularly, and I was expected to attend also. Quickly, I was involved in all the youth programs and was feeling pretty good about myself. I had a good job working for a member of the church. I thought that I had finally found what I had been searching for. However, I became anxious after several months and again felt unfulfilled and empty inside. I soon realized that my house was built on the sand (Matthew 7:26-27), and when the first storm came, my house could not stand. I was unsettled and so I joined the Army to travel. I excelled in the military life, but after almost 2 years I started getting high again. This soon led to my demise, and I was court-martialed and sent to Ft. Leavenworth to serve 25 months. While in prison, I began to read racial literature; and by the time I was released, I was well-versed. My attitude and developing prejudices caused me problems, and I was placed in the "hole" for fighting. I lost my good time and "maxed" out of the hole, (which means I served the maximum sentence). I had no idea where I would go or what I would do upon release. I only knew that I had to play catch-up for the 2 years I was locked up. Within a month I was in jail again, this time in Utah. I was arrested for forgery after cashing bad checks to support my cocaine habit. Back in prison I had a serious attitude with all authority. So in 1993 when a riot kicked off in my housing unit, I was more than willing to participate and took a ringleader role. This behavior landed me in super-max, a control unit for major management problems. I spent the next 5 years there, 2 of which I lived on death-row. Then in 1994, I reached a level of depravity unknown to me previously. Romans 3:15-17 reads, "Their feet are swift to shed blood; destruction and misery are in their ways; and the way of peace they have not known." This was me,and when it was all over a man had been stabbed to death. Facing the death sentence for a racially motivated crime did not deter me from continuing in my ways. Proverbs 14:12 states, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." In my twisted way of thinking, death was welcomed, as I would have died a martyr for my cause. In 1996, my co-defendant went to trial and received death by firing squad. In 1997, my case proceeded to trial and I secretly hoped for the same end. Under the threat of a physical death sentence, I didn’t realize that I also faced a spiritual one as well. I was convicted of aggravated murder, however, the jury could not reach a unanimous decision on death and sentenced me to life without the possibility of parole. "The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes." (Proverbs 21:1) Looking back now, some 6 years later, I see clearly that God was at work in my life even then. I knew Him not, yet while I was His enemy by separation through sin, He spared me from what surely would have been death by firing squad. Romans 5:8 says that "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:10 reads, "For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life." Are you on death-row spiritually? God will hear your appeal and pardon you right now. Please keep reading . . . One year after my trial and after 5 years in super-max, the authorities in Utah were faced with a decision on how best to manage me. Since my disposition never changed and my involvement in a security threat group disrupted the orderly running of the institution, I was then sent out of state to serve my time. Upon arriving here in New Jersey, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I had no connection to New Jersey. I had no time to serve here, no family, nor friends. I wasn’t even sure why they agreed to house me in light of my institutional history. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11-12) I thought that I would eventually either be killed or have to kill, because I had no intention whatsoever in changing who I was. Proverbs 17:12 states, "Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his folly." Oh, was I a fool!!! Shortly after I got to Trenton State Prison, I met a man in the yard, and he asked me whether or not I knew who Jesus Christ was. I explained to him that I had knowledge from my past, but that was it, my past. This man was very persistent though, and he would speak to me just about everyday. I was just trying to extend some common courtesy toward him, as I wasn’t willing to hear anything about Jesus. We started to dialogue one on one in a secluded office, and I agreed to attend weekly meetings. I was trying to recruit him and refute everything he would read from the Bible. This went on for a few months, and I met with negative results as to the prospect of recruiting him. As for his attempts. . . ? Well, the stronghold of racism was blinding my eyes so that the light of the gospel couldn’t shine in. II Corinthians 4:4 says, "whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, shines on them." The god of this age is satan, and I was one of his soldiers. Not long after this, I was in protective custody and started to reflect on my past and who I had become. It was as if I was turned inside out, and I was able to see myself from a perspective so intense that I realized how lost I really was. Needless to say, I was not happy with what I saw. After years of drug abuse, criminal activity, hatred and prolonged incarceration, I was a hardened man. The constant searching I spoke of earlier left me so empty and confused. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Wearing a mask to survive in prison, I assumed the identity of the mask. I hated myself more than I hated others. It was at this point that I knew something had to change. I found some salvation literature that the man I referred to before had given me. I tried to read it and battled with what I was beginning to think could hold some truth; however, it was hot in my hand, so I put it down. The next day I picked it up and was reading it again and it was penetrating. Jeremiah 23:29 states, "Is not my word like a fire?,"says the Lord, "and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?" A man came at me with the word of God in the yard, and in the office, and now I had it in my hand. It is so powerful, that it broke down into pieces the wall of a racist belief system built up over a life-time! ! ! Within a few minutes I found myself on my knee’s asking God to change me. I spent quite some time there and just asked Him to take away all the bad things I’ve ever done. I prayed a simple, standard model prayer and I was saved that day. He pardoned me from a spiritual death- sentence. (Romans 10:9) What transpired is best described in the following poem:
The most profound difference in being set free as opposed to a slave to sin is that I no longer wake up desiring to sin. The quality of life is such that rather than simply existing I now LIVE. Delivered from all that once held me captive I have begun to experience life like never before. All of the things I spent a lifetime searching for have been found. I have come to understand one of life’s most sought out questions; why do we exist? Simply put, to worship God! Amen! What about you? Do you know Jesus Christ already, yet sin is separating you from fellowship with Him? Or do you not know Him period? Either way, sin is between you and God, and until it is confessed, you’ll never experience true freedom or the peace of mind that comes from being at peace with God. Jesus Christ is the answer my friend. The word of God says that, "Every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord." (Philippians 2:10-11) Don’t wait till it is too late! There will be no appeals heard that day. Today is your day! Ask God to change your life right now. Tell Him you are sorry for the things you have done and believe that Jesus will take away those things. In doing so your fellowship will be renewed or a new relationship will ensue. This is the first step, and you must take it now!!!!!! I share this testimony today out of a strong desire to witness personally to you to what the word of God says the blood of Jesus does for us. Testimonies release the power that is in the blood and the word, and they will shake down the kingdom of Satan. Revelation 12:11 says, "and they overcame by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." Special thanks to Our Father’s Persistent Love Ministries for being……...persistent!! Also to many people who prayed me through those lost years and whom God answered by redeeming me. TO GOD BE THE GLORY! ! ! ! !
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